Poppy's girlfriend

For my cynical and/or atheist readers, I'm certain this blog post will sound ridiculous.

But, sometimes, you just have to believe there's something beyond you.

A few years ago, when my grandfather died, I wrote a blog post about him and mentioned his devotion to the Blessed Mother. In fact, shortly before he went off to World War II, he and my grandmother — also a Mary devotee — prayed to the Virgin Mary, asking for her intercession to protect my grandfather during the conflict. If he came home safely, they promised to name their children after Mary or St. Joseph, her husband.

Indeed, Poppy and Baba (as the grandchildren called them) had three girls: Mary Louise, Ann Marie (my mother), and Jeanne Marie.

For those unfamiliar with Catholic traditions, there are certain depictions of the Blessed Mother. They're all the same person, but as there are many people and many cultures in this world, she appears differently depending on whom you're talking about.

(And I don't feel like getting into why praying to Mary is not "statue worship," but think of it like this: If you ask your friend to help you move, he or she might not do it. Ask your friend's mother to ask your friend to help you move, there's a better chance they'll help you out.)

Anyway, the particular depiction of Mary to which my grandparents were devoted is the Mother of Perpetual Help. (In fact, my grandfather referred to her as his "girlfriend.") The Redemptorists were big devotees to this image, and the church in which my grandparents grew up was run by the order of priests and brothers.

So, it's safe to say that I have been familiar with this image since a young age, but it's not the sort of thing you're going to find in every church or religious setting.

Here's where the image really started playing a big part in my life. I'm 17 and my family and I are in Dayton, Ohio, visiting the University of Dayton. The place is run by the Marianists, and in fact my other grandfather was once studying to join the order at UD. I'd not actually considered the school, though, until the daughter of a friend of my father graduated from there and spoke highly of it.

However, I wasn't totally convinced. It was eight and a half hours from Baltimore, and no one else I knew had ever heard of it, let alone thought about attending.

We're touring the campus and we go into a chapel in one of the dormitories. Stained glass windows and small altar aside, it looks like an office. I glance around, then turn to leave.

On the wall next to the door was an image of the Mother of Perpetual Help.

It gave me pause. I pointed it out to my mother. She smiled.

I graduated from UD in 2001.

Flash forward to late April 2009. I had been dating this girl for a few weeks after being introduced courtesy of a crappy computer program and New Kids On The Block. I was living in Hanover, Pa., and she was an hour and 45 minutes away in Selinsgrove, Pa.

They always say long-distance relationships are tough to maintain, and I've watched a few crumble. I was a little uncertain where my relationship with Jen would go.

It was the first time I had been to her house. I walk up to the door and ring the bell, but then I glance inside the window next to the door.

There, on the wall inside, was an image of the Mother of Perpetual Help.

"Oh, OK," I recall saying, actually feeling my eyes well up a little. "I see."

Jen and I were married in June 2011.

We now have two children: Sophie Marie and Annabelle Rose.

And now we're living in Jen's hometown in South-central Pennsylvania, going to the church in which she grew up.

Admittedly, this move has been difficult. It took far longer than we expected to sell our old house in Clarks Summit. Having a toddler, and now an infant, living in the same house with five adults has been challenging. Job changes and work schedules, coupled with health issues and the usual trials of daily life, have worn on me.

They've worn on all of us.

Anyway, walking into the back of the church after we moved to town, I glanced at a large framed icon hanging on the wall next to the door.

There, looking down at me with those dark eyes, a look of peace on her face, was Poppy's girlfriend.

I gave her a wink and smiled.

This is where we're supposed to be.

Lieutenant

My grandfather, Bernard J. Deinlein Sr., died 45 years ago today, Dec. 19.

I was born almost nine years later, but my father and relatives have told me stories about him.

He was only 65 when he died, when my father was 19.

He had retired as a Baltimore City police lieutenant not long before that. He had been assigned to the Central District.

When my dad has told me stories of my grandfather, he always has himself and other family calling him "Pop" or "Pop Pop" or "Bernie." But when other voices in those stories speak of my grandfather, he is called "Lieutenant."

Silently, it conveyed to me the respect he commanded. And rightfully, so, as I'm told.

Dad once told me that when my grandfather was a teenager in the era of the first World War, he beat up a bunch of kids who were picking on his sisters because of their last name.

He was a husky 250-pound German who stood more than 6 feet tall when walking the beat on Baltimore's Pennsylvania Avenue. And he'd sometimes be treated to a warm meal or a drink from a tavern owner glad to have a cop nearby.

I've heard how he was involved in temporarily shutting down the city's first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise under orders from the city health department. The event, apparently, was tied to a political battle that involved the father of a current U.S. congresswoman from California.

In more hushed tones, I also was told of my grandfather's 24-hour shifts during the Baltimore riots of 1968, and how he was almost killed by a rioter with a hatchet. His crisp white shirt and white cap, signifying his rank, were stained crimson, but the blood wasn't his.

Yet there's another, more interesting side to my grandfather. He was studying to become a Marianist brother at the University of Dayton in Ohio.

Yes, my alma mater.

I've heard the tale told several ways, but essentially, my grandfather was in his second or third year at UD studying and teaching mathematics when his father died. He returned to Baltimore to take care of his mother and two sisters.

He never returned to Dayton, instead working as a shoe salesman and a Western Union teletype operator before becoming a cop.

When we went to Ohio to scout out the school, my family and I spent several hours in Roesch Library, looking through old yearbooks. We found a few shots that could have been my grandfather, but yearbooks back then apparently didn't believe in attaching names to every photo.

If you look through some UD yearbooks from 1997 to 2001, you might find my mug without my name attached, too.

Perhaps it's a trait I inherited from him.

More likely, though, I inherited his poor genes.

Pop Pop had too many chronic illnesses to name. The biggest — diabetes — is what took his toe, then his foot, then his leg up to the knee.

It also took his life.

My father has inherited similar problems, though he's not lost any body parts due to diabetes. My brother, Nick, and I are not yet afflicted with it, but our youngest brother, Stephen, is.

Instead, Nick and I are dealing with other health issues that Pop Pop shared, such as high cholesterol, among others.

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, maybe the four of us will be able to forestall the effects of genetics.

No matter my health, on this last day of fall, as the earth tilts its farthest away from the sun, I'm thinking of the man I never met, but without whom I would not be here.

Pop Pop, here's hoping you were treated to a warm meal and a drink by some folks glad to have a cop nearby.

House Nite

When in the course of human events, things begin to turn more... insane, one tends to retreat into memories of better times.

I went into the depths of my mind the other day, thinking of a time when a group of six guys living in a house with four bedrooms and one bathroom not only managed to get along, but actually kept the place relatively clean.

I speak of House Nite.

It started when my housemate, Kevin, and I were sitting at Flanagan's Pub in Dayton, Ohio, the summer before our senior year of college. Kevin and I and four other fellas — John, Bob, Chris (called "Kac") and Steve (called "Zaf") — would be living together at 118 Lawnview in the University of Dayton's student neighborhood, the Ghetto.

I remarked to Kevin how this would be our final year before adulthood (at least for those of us who weren't on the five-year plan or headed to graduate school). We should do what we can to savor our time there, our time together, I said.

Over the previous three years, we six, plus three other guys who fell into our circle — Craig, Joe and Adam (called "Pauko") — had formed a bond like those formed among fraternity brothers. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I belonged somewhere. I valued their friendship and knew I'd miss our camaraderie after I would graduate in May 2001.

That's not to say that things were always smooth. Our junior year was a little turbulent when it came to upkeep of our house in UD's Darkside neighborhood.

Let me put it this way: At the end of the academic year, rather than clean the huge pile of dishes in our kitchen sink, we opted to put them into a box and throw them out because they were so dirty, we felt they were beyond saving. That, and because none of us had a pressure washer.

With all of this in mind, I proposed to Kevin, the unofficial leader and Alpha male of the group, that we reserve one night a week where, after classes and meetings and such, we all agree to gather in our house and clean it, doing chores on a rotating basis.

After the cleaning, we spend the rest of the night hanging out, either at a local watering hole, drinking beer and playing foosball at our house, or doing some other kind of fellowship-building exercise. (By fellowship-building exercise, I mean playing pranks on neighbors and rivals).

I finished my pitch, which admittedly was partly inspired by Milwaukee's Best Light that was cheap on draft at Flanagan's, by naming the weekly gathering.

"We can call it 'House Nite,'" I said, noting the slang spelling was on purpose. Because screw The Man.

"That's a good idea," Kevin said, apparently giving his approval to both my idea and the alternate spelling.

It didn't take much to convince the fellas that House Nite was a worthy endeavor.

The time we spent talking, playing games and enjoying what would be the very last months of our pre-Real World lives are some of the best memories I have.

Zaf, Kevin, Bob and the giant snowball
on the porch of 529 Irving.

From these nights came pranks that include rolling a snowball the size of two fourth-graders onto the porch of our rival house, 529 Irving. Or planning the "wedding wine" tradition and the "death wine pact." Or games of hula-hoop ringtoss. Or countless foosball tournaments — very few of which, if any, I won.

And, through it all, our dishes, bathroom and floors were clean.

We are scattered now. A few guys are still in Ohio. One guy's in North Carolina. Another is in Louisiana. One is up in Massachusetts. Still another is living in Spain. I'm in Pennsylvania.

Over the course of recent human events, I've been thinking about them all, retreating in my mind to a time when we owned the nite.

Because screw The Man.